Meditation is fashionable: medias tell us about “mindfulness”, “freeing one’s mind from stress”, “cultivating our mind/inner self”, and so forth.
This fad reflects an ever increasing need, due to our frantic, hyper connected, hyper stimulated, hyper active, hyper performing life. Regardless of whether we consider our life stressful, stimulating or interesting, at times we lose the ability to look at things with detachment, and consequently are unable to reconnect with our true selves, the person we would like to be.
Is there anyone among us who has never acted against his or her principles or triggered negative consequences for himself/herself or for others without even realizing it?
Sylvie, who headed a 10-strong team, realized that she had an unjustified negative opinion of a colleague. She finally understood that this colleague had become her scapegoat and that, by depriving herself of her support, she was harming not only her, but also herself. In fact, her superiors were beginning to consider her a poor manager.
She unraveled the problem between two coaching sessions. While “meditating”, it became clear to Sylvie that her behavior was due to the fear of being fired because of her decreased performance. Finding a scapegoat was therefore an “easy” way of unloading her responsibility and her fear on someone else.
“To meditate” means to stand back for a few moments and look into ourselves. This will enable us to:
• take positive decisions;
• relax and ponder on what is really important for us;
• let go of whatever worries us, since it is not really important;
• “see” that which we do not want to see, which means put a stop to denial and look at ourselves as we really are, with our assets and our weaknesses.
I put the word “meditate” in quotes because “meditation” has its “purists”, people who teach meditation or who practice my profession, i.e. coaches. For such people meditation means stopping all activity for twenty minutes to empty, or try to empty, their minds. An insurmountable task for people like me, the “hopeless meditators”!
For a long time I felt guilty about not being able to meditate. Instead of calming me, classical meditation gets on my nerves; for me nothing is worse than spending time doing nothing in a frozen state! I tried several methods, all with the same negative results.
I have noticed with relief that many of my clients and friends share my ideas: they don’t practice “classical” meditation even though they refer to it as either something they should do or something they have tried to do but didn’t, due to lack of time.
Instead of wallowing in wishful thinking or regret, I decided that I would adopt custom-made meditation, adapted to my personality. I finally got rid of rigid rules and found a way that made meditation appealing rather than “compulsory”.
Only one thing really matters: finding a solution that will enable us, as it did for Sylvie, to find the truth within ourselves.
If you are like me,“ a hopeless meditator”, here are some of my personal approaches to meditation that may help you find your own formula.
1. Ride a bicycle: I find that movement, even when I am going to an appointment with a client, is a great source of meditation. Naturally, you have to watch where you are going; yet, after riding a bike for 20 years, I have understood that movement has a soothing effect and that it frees my mind. Today I can say that many good ideas, decisions, reappraisals have come to me while I was on a bike.
2. Since I am a morning person, when I wake up I like to spend some time in bed reviewing the events of the previous day, trying to discover the reasons for my actions, analyzing them and finding a solution to improve them. I take a deep breath and relish the beautiful moments of the dawning day.
If you are a night person, you can do the same before going to bed.
3. Contemplate and admire nature, in parks or village squares. I have often done this while bicycling, but also while walking, while on a bus or in my car. Nature offers us life without asking anything in return. It is a perfect way to step back and take stock, to concentrate on truly important issues.
4. Last but not least, I love to go to art exhibits, either alone or with people who know that I don’t like to talk while I am looking at works of art. Art enables me to let my thoughts wander, to find sources of inspiration, to relax, to recharge my batteries. You could obtain the same results with other pursuits.
It is up to you to find your own technique. In our “hyper” world, peace of mind is one of the most precious means of living harmoniously with ourselves and with others. I will conclude by saying that feeling “hopeless” will lead you nowhere. All you need is some imagination to help you find your own solution and a bit of courage to leave the beaten track.
Happy “meditation”, my friends!
