Are you a Genius?

If you have a strong feeling of rejection to this question and you are making an “Are you crazy?” face;
if since your childhood, you have been feeling deep inside that you were different from others;
if even today you have this strange feeling of being the one who doesn’t fit in like others do…
…In all these cases, this newsletter will probably move something deep inside you.

If you don’t fit into the following descriptions, this newsletter may grasp your interest because you have a child who could match it, or a co-worker who does, so better to know in order to support them with care and love. Being a Genius is a gift and a curse, often sets you apart even when all you want is to be close to others. But the good news is that it’s possible! Through accepting who you are in all your uniqueness, as well as seeing the uniqueness in others.

In my work, I have the chance to coach many of these Geniuses. Companies point out the following symptoms that they ask me to “fix”:

• Overly critical, speaks “in your face”
• Perfectionist and intolerant towards co-workers/peers who don’t deliver as expected right away
• Over-reactive, emotional, easily angry or aggressive when not in agreement
• Questions rules, doesn’t follow the standard procedures, always questioning what seems the “normal” way to proceed
• Over challenges authority/ is not respectful
• Over energetic, “one man/woman show”, not collaborative with peers

10 years ago, I had my “aha moment” and understood that these individuals were different from the others. Usual coaching tools were not applicable to them. Cognitive-behavioral techniques were having a “post-it effect”, a non-sustainable effect over time. I had the strong feeling of not reaching their core to support them fully and holistically.

Finally, I came across a wonderful book that to my knowledge only exists in French “Too intelligent to be happy” (Trop intelligent pour être heureux”) by Jeanne Siaud-Facchin, which gave me valuable keys to approach these individuals in my coaching and become effective in supporting them to understand their difference and deal with it in their working life. Of course, I didn’t “fix them”, but the coaching work around recognizing and accepting their differences brought surprisingly powerful results in “fixing their symptoms”, as side effects of the core work itself.

Something I usually do with my French clients is to invite them to read the book, which helps them to understand their differences. When I suggest them the book, at first, they all have this “are you crazy?” face, but then after reading it, they all tell me that they were moved to tears when they realized how accurately the book was expressing their feelings and their loneliness.

But I was struggling since I couldn’t find a good book in English to suggest to my native English speaker clients. It has been a new “case” that pushed me to do a thorough search that brought me to the book “The gifted adult, a revolutionary guide for liberating everyday genius” by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen: Eureka!

Here is my recent case, read it, it might ring a bell!

Steven is a high executive who has been assigned as Country Director of a large multinational corporation. Since he has always been very successful in his previous assignments, they gave him a very challenging zone, regrouping countries carrying very serious financial and operational issues. For the last two years he has been working day and night and finally he redressed the situation. BUT, there is a strong BUT. He made quite a lot of enemies around him: his peers now say that he treats them very poorly, as if they were stupid, he is not a team player; his bosses say that he has an attitude, he is rude, a solo player, not at all “politic” and disrespectful to the hierarchy.

After gathering this feedback, I talked to Steven and his reaction was: “But they ARE actually stupid, slow and ineffective! If I had to follow all the rules and wait for them to understand I would have never been able to bring such great results!”

One month passes and I have another coaching session with Steven who shows up with a completely different face: tired, with low energy, I would say “fragile” (he is a big strong guy!). “What happened to you?”, I asked. He answered that during a recent regional meeting he began to cry desperately, without being able to stop and for no specific reason. He told me the story, stating with surprise that this was not like him and that such a thing had never happened to him before!

After a while in our conversation I told him: “Dear Steven, I think that you are in the middle of a serious burnout, thus is very important to stop and rest”.

But how Steven, a strong guy could get there?

Let’s start with the “bright” face of a Genius

Upon Dr Jacobsen, a Genius has a high IQ in one or more of the multiple intelligences (body, word, spatial, music, logic, relationship, self), plus Gifted Traits and Advanced Development traits, as per the definition here after:

Gifted traits		Advanced Development
1/ Intensity 2/ Complexity 3/ Drive	They are quantitively, qualitatively and motivationally different. The traits include original thinking, sensory and emotional sensitivities, deep empathy, excitability, perceptive strengths insights + intuition) and goal-oriented motivation	1/ Humanistic vision   2/ Mandated Mission     3/ Revolutionary action	Ability to make a meaningful and selfless contribution to society that is in sync with your gifts Ability to seeking out your entrusted life purpose and direction, committing to a course of action, and overcoming obstacles Willingness to defy conventions and withstand criticism and opposition in order to forge new paths and effect your mission

This means that Steven’s burnout has been caused by his high sensitivity (capability to gather lot of information through his senses), his huge intensity and drive, his capability to find new effective ways to recover the zone’s critic situation and his commitment to this mission. But Steven pushed these characteristics too much, without resting nor recovering. In addition to that, his harsh attitude towards others had the consequence of not having any moral and psychological support around him. Sensitivity became overwhelming, the drive towards the objective almost obsessive, the intensity so high that nobody or few could support him in his work by keeping up with his pace.

Too much of a gift is to handle with great precaution: it’s not because a guy is smart that he is invincible, even if Steven, as many gifted adults, did think that his resources were infinite, and he was unbreakable.

What are the basic truths about giftedness? The “dark” face

Being gifted means having a higher IQ than other people, but also entails being qualitatively different. It’s even more difficult for gifted children and adult to say that they suffer from being different because there is this common belief that if you are gifted, you are automatically super lucky, fancy and above all you will succeed in your life as a normal consequence of your being gifted. The reality is much more complex than that.

Different individuals are not very well accepted in today’s normalized society, where if you overstep certain boundaries, you are considered “too much” of something, like someone who makes others uncomfortable because of his/her difference.

There are ten primary criticisms that gifted people are made to repeatedly endure. Though these complains are often intended as harmless observations, they are difficult to bear because of their repetition over life and because they pierce the susceptible skin of these individuals (remember? They are very sensitive!).

• Why don’t you slow down?
• You worry about everything!
• Can’t you just stick with one thing?
• You’re so sensitive and dramatic!
• You have to do everything the hard way
• You’re so demanding!
• Can’t you ever be satisfied?
• You’re so driven!
• Where do you get all those wild ideas?
• Who do you think you are?

Do they sound familiar? If yes, let’s take a breath and see how you can manage all this.

Manage yourself

Three steps to manage yourself. You’ll see they seem pretty self-evident and easy, but if you really put them into practice regularly and in as many situations as you can, you’ll see that you will get a great benefit from this practice.

1. ACKNOWLEDGE AND ACCEPT
The first big step is to acknowledge your difference. Since you always felt different, it’s not difficult to come to this conclusion. The acceptance part is more complicated. Yes, because since they always told you that you are too much of something, you always have been striving for being like anyone else. Simply accept that you are who you are otherwise you’re spending a lot of your energy in trying to be who you are not and at this time in your life, believe me, it’s not worth it!

2. ACCEPT THAT OTHERS ARE DIFFERENT FROM YOU
I’ve noticed that the more you accept your differences, the more you can also accept others’. It seems like a paradox, but if you completely embrace who you are, you will become more patient and even more collaborative with everyone else.

3. STEP BACK WHEN YOU’RE FEELINGS BECOME OVERWHELMING
Even if you try to avoid strong feelings, you are a very sensitive individual who can easily become overwhelmed by what’s inside yourself. As a consequence, you may overreact and become upset, speak in the face of someone, scream or be abrupt or even scare others, of course without the intention of having such result.

This means that you need to be able to anticipate when your emotional level turns into red and as soon as you feel it:

• Take some BIG breaths
• Count up to 10, slowly
• Think of something positive (an image, a person, a landscape, a music…)
• Re-assess the situation by answering to this simple question: what action or behavior would be effective now?
• And then act accordingly

 

I say to my clients that our lifelong work is to know ourselves and deeply accept who we are. So, my wish is that this article will support you, your kids or your co-workers on that journey!